The Illusion of Connection: How Social Media Tricks Us into Comparison
Life is messy - no one gets a free pass!
Let’s call it what it is! Social media is a performance. A stage where everyday people turn into actors, constantly playing the part of “I’ve got it all figured out.” The smile is polished and the captions are clever. The filters are flattering and the narrative is tightly curated: look at my life, it’s better than yours.
We’ve all seen it.
“Look at me. Look how good I am, how rich I am, how together I am, how brilliant my family are, how big my businesses are, how many followers I have, and on and on it goes.”
It’s the digital version of peacocking, strutting around for validation in a never-ending popularity contest.
But here’s the truth nobody wants to admit: the more you scroll, the worse you often feel.
Why?
Because what’s presented is rarely the full picture. It’s not even the half picture because it’s a highlight reel on steroids. Real life is edited out. The doubts, the insecurities, the awkward family moments, the arguments, the fears at 3 a.m. They don’t make the feed. But they’re still there and always will be for everyone.
The danger is when we start comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s polished production. And this isn’t just a problem for teenagers. Adults do it. Parents do it. Executives do it. Athletes do it. We’re all susceptible to the comparison trap unless we consciously train our minds to see through the illusion.
Teach Your Kids the Rules of the Game
If you’re a parent, this one’s non-negotiable. You must talk to your kids about the distortion of reality on social media. Because if you don’t, someone else will. Usually, an influencer with a product to sell and a lifestyle to flaunt.
Let them know that struggle is universal, even if it’s not posted. Teach them that happiness is not a permanent state. That failure isn’t failure it’s just life being life. Most importantly, teach them to question everything. Especially the curated perfection that gets millions of likes.
The best defence against the darker side of social media is a well calibrated internal compass. Help them build one.
Bias: The Built-In Feature
Every post, every article, every comment comes with bias. It’s human. It’s inescapable. People push what they believe, and when money’s involved, what they’re paid to believe. Even the “authentic” influencers are often following a script, one written by algorithms, sponsors, or trends.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow people or listen to what they say. But it does mean you should cross-examine the content and ask:
Who benefits if I believe this?
Is this opinion backed by lived experience, or just regurgitated talking points?
What do opposing voices say?
Critical thinking is the antidote to manipulation. And social media is full of subtle manipulation.
Is Social Media Good or Bad? It’s Both and Neither.
Social media is a tool. Like fire. Like money. Like a kitchen knife. It can nourish or destroy, depending on how you use it.
Used well, social media is an incredible amplifier. It can elevate your voice, connect you to people who inspire and challenge you, and build movements that matter. It’s given thousands of people a path to independence, creativity, and income. That’s a big deal.
But if you scroll mindlessly and compare endlessly or chase likes and viral moments then because it can never happen consistently and how many likes is enough, it can become a recipe for feeling hollow and low.
And here’s the kicker: you can’t fake intention. Not for long. Audiences, even online, feel whether you’re sharing to serve or to stroke your ego. The best creators don’t rely on shouting how many followers they have. They’re not quoting stats to manipulate you. They’re sharing insight that makes you think. Their goal is to help, not impress.
You know the difference so trust your instinct.
The Hook Is Engineered
Let’s not be naïve. Tech companies are not neutral. They employ behavioral scientists, psychologists, and addiction specialists to make sure you don’t look away because the longer you stay, the more ads you see and the more ads you see, the more money they make.
Never forget the actual product of social media is you.
Your attention. Your time. Your data.
So start treating your time online like currency. Track your screen time. Notice when you’re doom-scrolling or emotionally numbing. If an app drains your energy, it’s not entertainment, it’s erosion of your clear thinking. We all know that feeling of waste, where we feel like we have been in a trance, sometimes losing hours of time that we can’t remember.
The Great Disappearing Act
We’ve all read about testing a full month off social media. Don’t post. Don’t scroll. Delete the apps and see who notices and if the world falls apart without your digital presence, which we all know that it won’t.
What I would suggest is half a day as a starter and see how well you work not touching your phone or social media.
What you’ll discover instead is improved clarity, energy and mental space to think and maybe even a stronger connection to your real life, not your curated one.
In the end, it’s not the app that uplifts or crushes, it’s your relationship to it. You get to choose. Every time you open it, you’re making a decision. To compare or to connect. To scroll or to seek. To be manipulated or to be mindful.
Social media isn’t going anywhere. But your power lies in how you show up to it.
I’m pretty sure if I will get to the point of discarding social media completely but I am tempted. Like you I have the internal battle because there are fantastic benefits to sharing but still too often for my liking I get sucked into reading or watching too long.
I love reading about interesting people and I’ve learnt a lot from articles here on Substack and previously on Medium. I like following different sports results and stories and podcasts are great when driving.
Ultimately, if you can be selective and disciplined with your time and watch things that lift rather than lower your mood, stuff that inspires, not posted purely to impress you, then in reasonable doses I see no harm.
That’s the difference between control and allowing yourself to be captive to scrolling too often. Like anything worthwhile its never easy and it’s a choice we have to make every single day.